


It sucks

by BlueMoonHound



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Dreams, Gen, Magnus-centric, Minor Character Death, Raven's Roost, also glamour springs but mostly ravens roost, half-memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound
Summary: Deep breaths, Magnus. You're obviously not in Raven's Roost. Wherever you are, this is not Raven's Roost. There's no governor Kalen, no rebellion, nothing.





	It sucks

**Author's Note:**

> Lil short one-shot angsty thing.

Magnus wakes up with a start-- in a strange bed, in a strange room, there's a dwarf sleeping across from him, long brown beard full of flowers, he doesn't recognize-- He gasps, struggling, and just ends up rolling out of bed and landing on the floor with a thud.

He needs to find his hammer, something, a chair, he needs to grab some arms off the wooden mannequins out front or _something_ – he needs to --

His head hits something hard and unyielding and he lies there feeling disoriented for a little bit. There's no fight. Nobody's trying to kill him. No one's trying to blow up his home. He still can't tell where he is-- where's Julia? She's dead, dipshit-- he sighs. He puts a hand on whatever he landed on and pushes it towards the center of the room. A shield. His shield.

Deep breaths, Magnus. You're obviously not in Raven's Roost. Wherever you are, this is not Raven's Roost. There's no governor Kalen, no rebellion, nothing.

“You okay, Mango?” Magnus hears, from above him. He rolls on his side. Long, blonde hair. Big brown elf ears. Socks. Taako grins at him from the top bunk, feet swinging. Disoriented, Magnus climbs back into his bed.

“Fine,” He says. It's rough and raspy in a way his voice isn't usually. He shouldn't have left Raven's roost. _You should have died there, side by side with your wife. Wouldn't that have been better?_

He shudders. Would that be better? They've done so much, recovering two relics – would that have happened if he had died? Merle snores from the other bunk.

“You sure?” Taako's voice is light and musical. It's oddly grounding, like he's known the man for longer than he remembers, like they met in a previous life or something. (Merle's is the same way, and Madam director's for some reason-- why would madam director's voice be so relaxing? What was it about that voice that was comforting?)

Magnus allows himself a little bit to think about this. If he says he's fine, Taako will go back to bed and he'll lie here feeling empty and gross and tingly. If he lets Taako know that he's not okay, he'll probably cry, but then he'll fall asleep and maybe not dream and maybe feel rested in the morning and it'll be okay.

“No,” he decides.

Taako practically floats down from the top bunk. Elves are so light on their feet, it's like he's made of feathers. Magnus feels the bed shift, and then one of Taako's hands is resting on his leg. He takes another deep breath.

“Bad dream? Care to share?” Taako smiles in the most sincere way Magnus thinks he's ever seen him smile. It's a tired, unhappy sort of smile.

“More like bad memory, Magnus mutters, sitting up. He puts his face in his hands. “And then I landed on my fucking shield and my head hurts.”

“hah, I know that feeling, bro. Bad mems all around. Makes it hard to meditate.” Taako sighs.

“I had a wife named Julia,” Magnus says, feeling floaty and oddly calm. “she died. She died because of me.”

“Really? What did you do?”

“I left,” Magnus says. “I left Raven's Roost and I wasn't there to protect her.”

Taako laughs, a little unhappy sound. “At least you didn't kill her with your own two hands,” he says bitterly. “At least it's not _actually_ your fault.”

“Why? What happened to you? Why can't you sleep?”

“Heh, I don't want to talk about it, bro. Just suffice to say I'm a bit of a murderer? Not that we all aren't, but, I was tryina give em a good meal, not kill them. They were innocent.” He pauses. “Remember my cooking show? I went to Raven's Roost once.”

Magnus stares at Taako for a moment, and then it occurs to him. “Yeah, I do remember,” He says. “That was the best food I ever tasted.” Julia had been a little confused when he admitted he wanted to follow the elf from the cooking show, wanted to try his food again. The thing is, though… Taako's cooking feels right, it feels natural. It tastes like putting his shoes on in the morning. It tastes like coming home after a long day's work, sitting down in the kitchen… he stops thinking about this, because his head starts to hurt. He's just a bit too stupid for that, or maybe he's had too many concussions, or both. “Your food is great,” he mumbles, struggling to get around the bubble in his brain.

“Hell yeah it is,” Taako says, but he sounds less than enthused. In fact, he sounds kind of depressed, like he means what he says in a sarcastic sort of way but doesn't have the energy for sarcasm.

“I started a rebellion when I was living there. There was an evil governor. We chased him out.” Magnus sighs. “I was dreaming about that, actually. What about you?” He looks at Taako, who's ears droop when asked.

“I don't-- it was-- I don't remember what it was. I just remember it was really nice. It was really, really nice. I--” Taako takes a breath. “I think I was dreaming about love? Magnus, I don't think I've ever loved anybody. I don't know what it feels like.” He drives his fingers into his hair, and then they fall down and grab onto his ears, tugging at his piercings. “Sometimes, when I'm really scared, I just hug the umbra staff, and I feel better. And I don't know why. I don't. It's like a security blanket. And it makes me feel better. And then I have dreams like this one, which feel good, but the conversations are all weird and vague and I can't remember what happened when I wake up.” He sighs. His voice got reedy near the end there, but he lets go of his ears and his shoulders relax and Magnus thinks he'll be fine.

“Can I touch you?”

“Yeah, man, thanks for asking.”

Magnus puts an arm around Taako. It feels good. Taako's warm, and solid, and alive. “I get dreams like that sometimes, too. They always turn into dreams about Julia, though. And then I wake up, and I cry, because you know. Jules is gone.”

“That sucks, dude,” Taako rasps.

“It really does.” Now he can feel the tears running down his face, hard and angry and overwhelming, emotions ramming him all of a sudden. Taako wraps his arms around him and holds him while he cries.

“It really does,” he hears Taako repeat.


End file.
